Pleasure … What does this word bring to mind? What feelings come up? Guilt? Shame? Are you immediately associating pleasure with something wrong … something selfish? Or has it been so long that you are having a difficult time remembering what brings you pleasure? This can be a difficult area for many adults … especially women. We have even come up with a term that makes it clear how our society views pleasure … “Guilty pleasures”. We are sent these messages that if we are seeking pleasure then we are “wrong”, “bad”, “selfish”, “frivolous” and if we do allow ourselves moments of pleasure then we definitely need to feel “guilt” or “shame” afterwards to make up for our momentary lapse in judgement. When we are children we make most of our decisions based on pleasure (what will make us feel good). Then over the years we are taught how to be responsible, how to sacrifice and how to do the “right” thing. Slowly we lose sight of what we like, what we want, what feels good and our decisions are made based on what would be best for others, what is expected of us (by family, culture, etc.), or what is the responsible thing to do.
I remember being so tightly wound that I had forgotten how to have fun. I definitely identified pleasure with guilt and being frivolous. I wasn’t allowing fun. I had to be financially responsible … health conscious. There was always the ever looming feeling that there was something more “productive” that I SHOULD (ugh!) be doing. I had become out of touch with myself and what I actually found pleasurable. I realized that I couldn’t answer simple questions such as “What’s your favorite ___?” I was so used to working hard, doing the “right” thing, doing what was convenient for others. I couldn’t even honestly answer the question, “Would you like a glass of water?” when offered to me because I would immediately default to “no, thank you” so I wouldn’t inconvenience anyone. So, I began to make a list. Started to tune in and raise my awareness. When I found myself enjoying something I would stop and take it in for a moment … be mindful of the moment .. and then write it down.
So I have discovered that sauteed onions and live acoustic music are two of my favorites.
I started to realize that my responsibility/pleasure meter was way out of balance.
Forgetting that allowing ourselves pleasurable moments is not only “not wrong” but is actually needed for our overall well-being (stress levels, physical health, mental health) and positively contributes to the health of our relationships (with ourselves, significant others, friends, children & families).
Now we don’t have to go wild to embrace pleasure but I encourage you to begin tapping in to yourself again. Start remembering what it is that you like! Enjoy those moments of pleasure and plan to have more of them! Remember that you are worthy of love, pleasure and joy!
- Amanda