Well I was tested … I have been doing okay for the most part during this pandemic. It’s been hard, it’s been challenging in many ways, but overall I’ve kept my emotions fairly in check. I’ve had the occassional moment, but finding a routine and working on projects that give me purpose have kept me anchored. However, I didn’t realize how sheltered I’ve been. When you’re almost exclusively at home it’s easy to get out of touch with what’s going on. Yes, I’ve seen it on Facebook or videos but it’s still removed. This week, my anxiety was tested. We received some difficult news and then needed to make a decision. Making a decision right now in this time where everything seems uncertain, was not an easy feat. However, a decision was made … and then quickly changed. I had the wave of anxiety hit me. I had a moment. Okay, several moments. I talked in a recent post about some anxiety strategies that have helped me in the past. After this experience I realized I left out a few other strategies.
The first was to just allow myself to not be okay for a bit. I talked previously about acknowledging that these emotions are legitimate, but also not rushing through, or making yourself wrong for feeling what you’re feeling. Taking a step back from the spiraling “what ifs” did help. But the second thing I did this time that helped in the moment of intense anxiety was really trying to pinpoint the root of the anxiety. There was a point where I was questioning, “What am I even anxious about?”. I was completely operating in my emotional brain. Taking a moment to step back to the present moment helped me to sort out what was going on. Just acknowledging the actual source of the anxiety helped me to move forward. I didn’t solve the causes or make them go away but identifying and acknowledging helped “give it a name” so I could move forward with the other strategies. I talked it out with my support team … shout out to my sister and husband who are always there for me even when I’m at my worst. I tried to balance caution with not letting fear (of what might never be) stop me. I had to trust that I will be protected, trust in my body, and trust in my ability to make the right decision. Then there was some nourishing … a nice fire with the kids in the warm evening.
Following this, I tried to return to my journaling, meditation and self-Reiki routines to re-balance. I feel strongly about being honest and upfront about my struggles. I hope that these are helpful to you all in some way. I’m here for you.
- Amanda
