Limiting Beliefs … What’s holding you back?

As we look at others and feel that spark of envy or we think about a long held dream that we’ve always had, we feel those thoughts creeping up.  The thoughts that sound like, “Good things never happen to me.” or “I’m not smart enough” or “I don’t have the right credentials” or “Things are always difficult for me”.  These are common examples of limiting beliefs that many of us hold.  Let us break down this term … Belief: a thought that we hold to be true … Limiting … something that holds us back, keeps us small … limits our experiences.  So, a limiting belief is a belief that we hold to be true (about ourselves or about how the world works) that holds us back from experiences or from achieving the things we’ve always wanted.  

Where do these beliefs come from?  They could originate from an experience in our childhood … maybe in first grade you made a picture and someone laughed at it, then from then on the limiting belief, “I can’t draw” began running in the background.  We also can acquire limiting beliefs from those around us.  We can hear our parents say things, our culture, our friends and take those beliefs on as truth.  For example, “Our family is not the type of people who do ___”, “We can’t afford to go ___”, “Money doesn’t grow on trees”, “Women can’t ____” 

These limiting beliefs can sometimes be common among many people or they can be completely unique to each person.  The thing they all have in common is they are negative, they are limiting, and they aren’t true.  Truth is only what you believe it to be.  It’s like the famous Henry Ford quote … “If you believe you can or believe you can’t … you are right”.    

These beliefs are tricky because often they are running on a loop in our unconscious mind.  The most powerful thing we can do for our healing and overall wellness is to start to identify these limiting beliefs.  If we can bring these beliefs into our conscious awareness now we have the power to address them and move forward.  Limiting beliefs may span across all areas of our lives.  You may have many in each area or maybe more in one area of your life.  I would recommend just selecting one or two areas of your life that you feel are most significant right now.  Once you learn the process of moving through limiting beliefs you can return at any point to address any others that are still lingering or any new ones that may arise.

So are you ready to move forward?  Are you ready for the life you’ve always wanted?  If so, check out my free worksheet to help you begin identifying these limiting beliefs here:

https://amandakugler.com/free-resources

Good luck!  

- Amanda

I Had a Moment

Well I was tested … I have been doing okay for the most part during this pandemic.  It’s been hard, it’s been challenging in many ways, but overall I’ve kept my emotions fairly in check.  I’ve had the occassional moment, but finding a routine and working on projects that give me purpose have kept me anchored.  However, I didn’t realize how sheltered I’ve been.  When you’re almost exclusively at home it’s easy to get out of touch with what’s going on.  Yes, I’ve seen it on Facebook or videos but it’s still removed.  This week, my anxiety was tested.  We received some difficult news and then needed to make a decision.  Making a decision right now in this time where everything seems uncertain, was not an easy feat.  However, a decision was made … and then quickly changed.  I had the wave of anxiety hit me.  I had a moment.  Okay, several moments.  I talked in a recent post about some anxiety strategies that have helped me in the past.  After this experience I realized I left out a few other strategies.  

The first was to just allow myself to not be okay for a bit.  I talked previously about acknowledging that these emotions are legitimate, but also not rushing through, or making yourself wrong for feeling what you’re feeling.  Taking a step back from the spiraling “what ifs” did help.  But the second thing I did this time that helped in the moment of intense anxiety was really trying to pinpoint the root of the anxiety.  There was a point where I was questioning, “What am I even anxious about?”.  I was completely operating in my emotional brain.  Taking a moment to step back to the present moment helped me to sort out what was going on.  Just acknowledging the actual source of the anxiety helped me to move forward.  I didn’t solve the causes or make them go away but identifying and acknowledging helped “give it a name” so I could move forward with the other strategies.  I talked it out with my support team … shout out to my sister and husband who are always there for me even when I’m at my worst.  I tried to balance caution with not letting fear (of what might never be) stop me.  I had to trust that I will be protected, trust in my body, and trust in my ability to make the right decision.  Then there was some nourishing … a nice fire with the kids in the warm evening.  

Following this, I tried to return to my journaling, meditation and self-Reiki routines to re-balance.  I feel strongly about being honest and upfront about my struggles.  I hope that these are helpful to you all in some way.  I’m here for you.  

- Amanda

Reflections From a Pandemic

This year’s Mother’s Day may have been quite different for most of us. While we weren’t able to physically embrace our loved ones we tried to make the best of it. Just as we have for the entirety of this quarantine. During this pandemic, I have been trying to take in each moment and not miss all the lessons that are coming my way. What am I supposed to be learning from this time? What do I want my life to look like when this is all over? So throughout this experience I have been keeping notes about what I’ve been noticing. So here it goes:

• I don’t typically put aside enough time checking in with family/friends.

• My brain is always in planning mode (my brain was constantly trying to switch into planning mode to figure out what was next, what I needed to plan ahead for).

• Our lifestyle makes it very difficult to stay in the present moment.

• There are a lot of generous people out there willing to come together in difficult times.

• Our society likes keeping busy and is very averse to being still and having “down time”.

• It’s an interesting experience when you are in the middle of a crowded supermarket with empty shelves and you are forced to think about what food I would need to feed my family … what food do we really need to nourish ourselves … how much of what I buy is unnecessary. 

• My theme of this time is:

  • Balance:  finding the “just right” amount of everything - nutrition/treats, routine/spontanity, tidyness/free, family time/alone time, productivity/rest.  I don’t need to have such tight control of everything.  If they watch too much TV … they are okay.  If they have too much sugar … they are okay.  If they stay up too late … they are okay.  If we miss an assignment … we are okay.  As long as they are loved it all works out.  We can always course correct and adjust so there is more balance.  Sometimes it's okay to be out of balance and give ourselves compassion.  

• I realized that we have so many natural local places to source our food and it is important to support our local farmers.

• When you strip all the noise away all that’s left is what really matters

  • Sports activites - exercise not competition/medals/trophies/winning

• It is also interesting to walk around and see older siblings playing with younger siblings (where they probably would’ve been away from home with friends) … to see fathers throwing a football with their son (where they probably would’ve been at a scheduled activity).

• I realized that I don’t want to return to feeling guilty if I’m not productive or if we haven’t “done” something that day.  I want it to still be okay to go slow, rest, just be together, read, play games, have outdoor time.

• I realized that most of my (our) decisions are based on what others will think… way more than I was even aware.   For example, if my kiddos pants are too short, if the outfit matches, if my daughter’s hair is brushed/styled.

• I recognized that most of my anxiety comes from time pressure.  When the time pressure is applied almost all tasks become “work” or “overwhleming”.  

How about you?? What have you noticed? Are there any lessons you have taken in?

Balance

We’ve all heard that balance is the key to life. But how the heck do we actually get there??!!

I think I’m realizing it’s not an actual destination but a journey. Life is complicated and we can easily get off track from our goals or priorities.  I suggest a periodic assessment of your priorities and goals.  We all think that we know what our priorities are but we are constantly evolving and so may our goals and priorities.  Once you have an updated priority list you can use these as a scale to help you determine when things are getting out of balance. So once a day/week/month ... whatever feels right for you ... let’s work on a mindful check-in.  Take a few minutes to slow down and think about your current choices, actions, commitments, etc.  As you go through and compare your goals/priority list vs. your current actions/choices list you can ask yourself...

* Are my current actions supporting my goals?

* Are my actions reflecting my priorities?

* If no to either ... what actions can I take to shift the balance back?

So for example ... is work (#5 on priority list) conflicting with your personal health (#1 on priority list)?  What changes could you make to shift back to focusing on what you want your #1 priority to be - personal health?  Not check email after work hours?  Leaving work on time?  

Or ... When you find yourself saying "no" to playing Barbies with your daughter (#2 on priority list) over housework (not even in the top 5 priority list) ... Possibly shifting the focus back on the appropriate priority by taking 10 minutes to play with your daughter before your tackle the sink of dishes!  

What are your top 5 priorities?

Anything actions need to shift to get your priorities back in order?