Guilty Pleasures

Pleasure … What does this word bring to mind?  What feelings come up?  Guilt?  Shame?  Are you immediately associating pleasure with something wrong … something selfish?  Or has it been so long that you are having a difficult time remembering what brings you pleasure?  This can be a difficult area for many adults … especially women.  We have even come up with a term that makes it clear how our society views pleasure … “Guilty pleasures”.  We are sent these messages that if we are seeking pleasure then we are “wrong”, “bad”, “selfish”, “frivolous” and if we do allow ourselves moments of pleasure then we definitely need to feel “guilt” or “shame” afterwards to make up for our momentary lapse in judgement.  When we are children we make most of our decisions based on pleasure (what will make us feel good).  Then over the years we are taught how to be responsible, how to sacrifice and how to do the “right” thing.  Slowly we lose sight of what we like, what we want, what feels good and our decisions are made based on what would be best for others, what is expected of us (by family, culture, etc.), or what is the responsible thing to do.  

I remember being so tightly wound that I had forgotten how to have fun.  I definitely identified pleasure with guilt and being frivolous.   I wasn’t allowing fun.  I had to be financially responsible … health conscious.  There was always the ever looming feeling that there was something more “productive” that I SHOULD (ugh!) be doing.  I had become out of touch with myself and what I actually found pleasurable.  I realized that I couldn’t answer simple questions such as “What’s your favorite ___?”  I was so used to working hard, doing the “right” thing, doing what was convenient for others.  I couldn’t even honestly answer the question, “Would you like a glass of water?” when offered to me because I would immediately default to “no, thank you” so I wouldn’t inconvenience anyone.  So, I began to make a list.  Started to tune in and raise my awareness.  When I found myself enjoying something I would stop and take it in for a moment … be mindful of the moment .. and then write it down.  

So I have discovered that sauteed onions and live acoustic music are two of my favorites. 

I started to realize that my responsibility/pleasure meter was way out of balance. 

Forgetting that allowing ourselves pleasurable moments is not only “not wrong” but is actually needed for our overall well-being (stress levels, physical health, mental health) and positively contributes to the health of our relationships (with ourselves, significant others, friends, children & families).  

Now we don’t have to go wild to embrace pleasure but I encourage you to begin tapping in to yourself again.  Start remembering what it is that you like!  Enjoy those moments of pleasure and plan to have more of them!  Remember that you are worthy of love, pleasure and joy!  

- Amanda

I Had a Moment

Well I was tested … I have been doing okay for the most part during this pandemic.  It’s been hard, it’s been challenging in many ways, but overall I’ve kept my emotions fairly in check.  I’ve had the occassional moment, but finding a routine and working on projects that give me purpose have kept me anchored.  However, I didn’t realize how sheltered I’ve been.  When you’re almost exclusively at home it’s easy to get out of touch with what’s going on.  Yes, I’ve seen it on Facebook or videos but it’s still removed.  This week, my anxiety was tested.  We received some difficult news and then needed to make a decision.  Making a decision right now in this time where everything seems uncertain, was not an easy feat.  However, a decision was made … and then quickly changed.  I had the wave of anxiety hit me.  I had a moment.  Okay, several moments.  I talked in a recent post about some anxiety strategies that have helped me in the past.  After this experience I realized I left out a few other strategies.  

The first was to just allow myself to not be okay for a bit.  I talked previously about acknowledging that these emotions are legitimate, but also not rushing through, or making yourself wrong for feeling what you’re feeling.  Taking a step back from the spiraling “what ifs” did help.  But the second thing I did this time that helped in the moment of intense anxiety was really trying to pinpoint the root of the anxiety.  There was a point where I was questioning, “What am I even anxious about?”.  I was completely operating in my emotional brain.  Taking a moment to step back to the present moment helped me to sort out what was going on.  Just acknowledging the actual source of the anxiety helped me to move forward.  I didn’t solve the causes or make them go away but identifying and acknowledging helped “give it a name” so I could move forward with the other strategies.  I talked it out with my support team … shout out to my sister and husband who are always there for me even when I’m at my worst.  I tried to balance caution with not letting fear (of what might never be) stop me.  I had to trust that I will be protected, trust in my body, and trust in my ability to make the right decision.  Then there was some nourishing … a nice fire with the kids in the warm evening.  

Following this, I tried to return to my journaling, meditation and self-Reiki routines to re-balance.  I feel strongly about being honest and upfront about my struggles.  I hope that these are helpful to you all in some way.  I’m here for you.  

- Amanda

Perfectly Placed

February 22, 2020

Just as beams are perfectly placed to support the weight of a house, so too are experiences perfectly placed in our lives to support our growth.  These experiences are placed at just the right time for when we need them and when we’re ready to receive them. Each one shaping us and helping us to move towards learning the lessons we need to move us forward.  Each lesson building on the last. The mention of a book title that opens your mind to a new world. An inspirational quote that sparks an idea or a new mindset. When once we wouldn’t have noticed we are now ready to receive the message.  These experiences placed in our path may not always appear to be of the positive type. They can come in the form of a loss, an illness, an injury, or financial stress. But just the same if we are listening and aware we can flip our mindset and receive the intended message.  

So are you ready to receive?  Is your awareness turned up? What is the message you are being sent right now?

 ~ Amanda

Gratitude

Ever have one of those periods where you just feel like you're in a slump?  Things are not feeling quite right ... you're feeling down ... you're feeling constantly overwhelmed?  I had one of those times recently and here's what I tried...

Gratitude!  I really tried to address each of those moments of stress (sadness, anger...) and flip my mindset to that of gratitude.  Instead of feeling stressed about all the decisions I had to make I tried to view it from a point of gratefulness for all the options that I had.  I tried to remind myself that others may not have the options that I was faced with.  This mindset can really work in any situation from small to big.  For example, instead of feeling overwhelmed with the amount of laundry we have to do we can try to flip the mindset to being grateful that we are able to provide all these clothes for our family.  

Additionally, this can be applied to larger events in our life.  As I look back now on some challenging life events I am grateful that I had those experiences to push me towards moving my life in a more positive, healthy direction.  I feel grateful for the lessons it taught me and how it helped me to discover myself on a deeper level.  At the time of those tragic events it feels as if you're drowning and you may not make it out.  But believe me there is another side and it can be a beautiful place to be.  

So if you're having one of those moments or periods of time where you feel stuck...down...overwhelmed... try flipping your mindset to gratitude!  It can be an instant mood changer and give some perspective.  When you start being grateful for everything you have, the people you are surrounded with and your circumstances you will start to realize how full your life really is!

-Amanda 

Balance

We’ve all heard that balance is the key to life. But how the heck do we actually get there??!!

I think I’m realizing it’s not an actual destination but a journey. Life is complicated and we can easily get off track from our goals or priorities.  I suggest a periodic assessment of your priorities and goals.  We all think that we know what our priorities are but we are constantly evolving and so may our goals and priorities.  Once you have an updated priority list you can use these as a scale to help you determine when things are getting out of balance. So once a day/week/month ... whatever feels right for you ... let’s work on a mindful check-in.  Take a few minutes to slow down and think about your current choices, actions, commitments, etc.  As you go through and compare your goals/priority list vs. your current actions/choices list you can ask yourself...

* Are my current actions supporting my goals?

* Are my actions reflecting my priorities?

* If no to either ... what actions can I take to shift the balance back?

So for example ... is work (#5 on priority list) conflicting with your personal health (#1 on priority list)?  What changes could you make to shift back to focusing on what you want your #1 priority to be - personal health?  Not check email after work hours?  Leaving work on time?  

Or ... When you find yourself saying "no" to playing Barbies with your daughter (#2 on priority list) over housework (not even in the top 5 priority list) ... Possibly shifting the focus back on the appropriate priority by taking 10 minutes to play with your daughter before your tackle the sink of dishes!  

What are your top 5 priorities?

Anything actions need to shift to get your priorities back in order?

Live the Example!

Are you living the example you want to set for the next generation?  

Whether you are a parent or not this is an important question for us all.  We all know the famous saying, "Do as I say not as I do".  Also, we know that this saying does not work!  We know from our own childhood and from watching the children around us that children are watching and listening to everything happening around them.  They are learning their values and their role in society with every experience.  

As we move through life I encourage you to think about the impact of your life.  What values are you exemplifying?  Would you hope that your children would follow in your footsteps?  We all with have missteps along the way and that is okay too!  In this we are showing our children that we are human and with that comes moments of fallibility and opportunity for growth.  This is no easy task we are challenged with and we may need to remind ourselves of daily of what truly matters to us.  

So the next time we are neglecting our health or holding back our passions let's ask ourselves, "Would I want this for my children?"

I'd like to pass on the following advice to my children and all children:

*Make your physical/mental/spiritual health and wellbeing a priority.

*Be present in the moment ... don't let the worries of the past or future get in the way of enjoying each present moment.

*Follow your heart not expectations ... defy expectations that conflict with the passion inside you!

*Do what brings you joy, wear what makes you smile and ignore the judgements from the outside.

What example do you want to pass on??

Be Brave! Follow Your Heart!

Along this journey of life we will be faced with challenges.  Challenges in the form of illness, loss, decisions and expectations.  It is how we respond to these challenges that will define our lives.  

Often in order to make change and live our best lives or to effect a greater change in the world we will need to challenge expectations.  Throughout history those who have had the greatest impact on society have been the ones to challenge expectations ... disrupt the status quo.  Many amazing people have come before us to make way for our current way of life.  In our country we have been especially lucky to have many amazing men and women pave the way for us.

These expectations may also affect your life personally in terms of expectations to act a certain way, live a certain lifestyle or have a certain type of job.  However, I encourage you to listen to the fire within you that is calling out to you to fulfill a purpose.  This may be scary and difficult.  You may feel stuck by circumstance or current societal beliefs.  It may be easier to continue on the current path of your life.  But be sure to ask yourself, "Am I fulfilling my purpose?", "Is there something my heart is yearning for?" 

Many times others are scared of change and things they don't understand yet.  However, can you be the one to educate or inspire others?

When you are ready to say goodbye to this life what is it that you will look back with regret and sadness?  

Is there fire within you?  

Be brave!  Follow your heart!

Forgiveness

Is there someone you need to forgive? 

Perhaps it’s yourself. Maybe you lost your cool with your child ... snipped at your spouse... handled a work situation poorly. I know we all struggle with this at one time or another as being fallible is part of being human. However, if we hold onto those negative emotions (anger, regret, guilt...) we are only hurting our own bodies and minds. Here are my thoughts: 

* Acknowledge the wrong doing
* Apologize or try to make amends/Be open to an apology
* Make a plan for doing better/What did I learn from this
* Try to move on

** If we feel our minds are stuck on the situation try a positive mantra to occupy your mind and bring it back to reality
“I am strong ... I am kind ... sometimes I make mistakes... I will use this to grow and be better “ (insert any words appropriate to your situation)

* Also you could try sending positive thoughts/energy to the one you feel wronged you or you wronged. (*credit to my sister for this idea)

When I’ve made mistakes with my children I’ve tried to show them that the behavior wasn’t acceptable but at the same time trying to teach that we are all human and will at times make mistakes. So I try to teach them that we need to make a plan for doing better next time but not get stuck in negative patterns of beating ourselves up.  Please visit my YouTube channel to view a children's meditation on mistakes "I can grow from my mistakes":

https://youtu.be/QhIbdxX6p3g

Do you have any tips for forgiving yourself or others? Please share in the comments!

When's the last time you did nothing??

It might mean literally doing nothing but it could also mean just slowing down the pace a bit.  Sometimes the days speed by and before we know it we've gone through the motions and it's over.  The frantic pace and multi-tasking make it difficult to appreciate the good things in our lives and to cement those precious times into our memories.  You may find yourself saying, "I don't have time to do nothing?".  But I'd like to propose that this is another form of self-care and the quality of our days will improve if we add a little more nothing into the day.      

For example, here are some ways I tried to slow down and do more nothing. While driving home after work I turned off the radio, turned off my motivational speaker YouTube videos (more on my favorite motivational speaker later!) and I watched the really awesome golden sunset.  I tried to appreciate how beautiful it was and also the fact of how much later sunset is these days. Also, rather than jumping right into nightly chores I took a few minutes when we arrived home to play game of checkers with my son and dolls with my daughter.  We don’t always need to be “on” and we may find that our day will go much smoother if we take a few of those moments to slow down and do nothing but be present.  

Let’s all support each other!  Please leave in the comments below how you’ve tried to slow down, do nothing, be in the moment.  I look forward to hearing from you all!

What is your body telling you?

What does it mean when a "good day" is one where you made it through to bedtime without developing a headache or chest pains? Or not needing to dose yourself with alcohol, sugar ...?

There are so many instances of our physical bodies manifesting our over-stressed lifestyles. We all feel like we're "okay" and that we can push through it.  Are we merely covering up the stress throughout the day, crashing at the end and then waking up to repeat?  Are we happy with the choices we've made?  Are we considering the long term effects of the repeated stress on our bodies and minds?  

 But when will our body push back. Let's all take some time to reflect on what that pain in our (____ fill in the blank) is trying to tell us.  Like when you are suffering from constant shoulder pain  maybe your body is telling you to stop carrying so much on that side (I didn't say it was going to always be a profound message!  Lol!).  Or I often will feel a quick sharp pain in my leg and then I realize that I have been running throughout my day.  My body is reminding me to slow down.  Then there are the more serious signals our bodies are sending us through digestive symptoms, diseases and injury.  Our bodies are very good at self-preservation and are crying out to us to get the message across that we need to take care of ourselves.  Are you listening?? 

I challenge you to stop and reflect on how you have been feeling physically and emotionally.  Now look at your day ... is there any down time?  What are your coping strategies for stress?  Any lifestyle changes that need to be made?  Are there any ways you could lighten the load?  (Now really look again because I bet there is something that could be adjusted/cut out/delegated/reduced).  

Love to all of you!  Let's all slow down and "care for you"!